Rainy day at work.

It's raining outside today and here I sit at work. At the moment the phone is quiet but I am sure I will get more calls from students and parents who have questions about the summer holiday jobs. Our politicians claim all the students leaving 9th and 10th grade who apply will get a job for the summer. And of course I would gladly give a job to each of them too but unfortunately we do not have enough jobs so plenty of kids are still without. This of course means we do get a lot of calls from people wanting an explanation why and some are angry while others are just very disappointed. I understand them and I would feel the same way if it was my kid not having something meaningful to do during the holidays.
My mantra for today is therefore to remember to not take it personally and that I can only do my very best to accommodate for everyone's needs with the resources we have.
I have already told one upset father today to contact the politician responsible for the statement as I feel they need to take responsibility for what they are saying to our media that these people listen to. They have it way too easy making empty promises that other people then have to try and sort out.

It's also raining outside my windows today so I didn't want to ride my bike to work as it is not fun sitting at work in wet clothes and since I no longer have my own office but is sharing with 3 other people I have nowhere to change. I'm glad there is a bus I can take and it's quite interesting to sit on it and study the other passengers and thinking where they might be heading. Sometimes there is someone I know also riding the bus so I get to have a conversation and at other times we might just give each other a friendly nod as we sit too far from each other to be able to chat.

I had planned on mowing my lawn after work today but I suppose I will have to delay that for another day when the sun is shining and instead I'm sure I can always find something to do inside. I have a wardrobe to empty out and move into my bathroom to put all my towels in. I have room for it in there now since I got rid of my broken washing machine. And I have blinds to put up in my bedroom window. Always so many things to do and never enough time. Days like today when I have a lot of spare time I almost wish I was working from home so I could use the time more efficiently.

It's a good feeling to let my mind wander away from work for a while when I have the time. It relaxes me and I immediately feel much better and it's not quite so rainy inside anymore. I'm looking at the sky to see signs if it intends to stop raining out there too soon but although I think it looks a bit brighter the clouds are still pretty heavy and covering the entire field of vision. I can even hear the rain landing on the windows.

Sleepless and the topic of forgetfulness

To have yet another sleepless night is never fun but at least today I got up to a very beautiful sunup. It's 5:15 am now when I decided I won't be able to get any more sleep this morning anyway because I have to leave earlier. First thing this morning I have an appointment with my dental hygienist...which reminds me I have to go find a document I need to bring.

Found it and a bunch of paper I was looking for that I needed for my taxreturn just over a week ago but then I simply could not find them. Wonder why that is.

This brings me to the subject of why I ended up sleepless in the first place. I woke up at 3 today after just barely 4 hours of sleep and after the necessary visit to the bathroom my brain was busy mulling over forgetfullness. Last night I was reminded about how I am very forgetfull and one of the things I sadly have to admit I forget is birthdays. I used to be so meticulous when it come to my friends and family and my calender used to be filled with colourful notes every month telling me who had a birthday coming up next and I used to try make everyone feel special by sending cards, bringing personal gifts and such. My mother even had a discussion with me about it a few times as she thought I was being way too generous especially as most of these people did not seem to return the favour but I loved giving. I still do and I think I am a generous person normally but these days gifts may not necessarily coincide with someone's birthday unless I am reminded about it several times in the days, weeks leading up to it and invited to attend a certain day. Of course this doesn't just apply to birthdays as that may sound a bit insensitive but a good example is that I had a note about a meeting that was going to take place last Tuesday sitting on my fridge in plain sight for me every day and still I missed that meeting. By that I'm trying to say that even if I still had the colourful notes in my calender it's not a given that I actually register that information and act on it.

Some good examples this year already is a friend having her birthday at the end of March and she did remind me about 4-5 days before the event, very subtly by just telling me her plans for that day. Just to make sure I wrote it down to make sure I would remember to give her a call on the day. Well I woke up the day after her birthday and realised I had forgotten completely.

In April I have a friend who has her birthday the day after my brother so easy to remember...at least it should be and yet I totally missed her big day. And that list goes on and on.

The reason I ended up sleepless over this was feeling guilty about forgetting this particular birthday and having unintentionally hurt a friend. I have a feeling it is not just her but another friend as well who had her birthday just a couple of days earlier who I know would feel very forgotten and neglected on that day and I told her had I still been in Australia I would have come to see her and take her out somewhere. But go from that to completely forget doesn't feel good. Feelings of guilt is the worst for me so any ideas on how to overcome this problem would be helpful.

So why is this? I wish I had a clear explanation but I don't even know for sure when it started happening as I also forget names and not just people's names but names of items, places etc and sometimes I probably sound like a total dill during a conversation because halfway through my sentence a word suddenly escapes me and at other times I can even jumble everything up so I don't even know myself what I just said. Some days are worse than others and especially during and after a migraine my brain is impaired. Can my migraines be what is causing my memory to be like this? I have no idea but I guess it's an interesting topic to google some day when I am bored. Another cause may be the bike accident I was in back in 2005 when at least my face got to taste the bitumen on the road since I wasn't wearing a full face helmet and I had a mild concussion as well along with cuts and bruises.

A month after that incident I was invited back here to Sweden for my sister's wedding but when my doctor heard about it she said no, absolutely not under any circumstances was I allowed to get on a plane for at least six months and especially not to fly for so many hours going overseas. I could have brain injuries that didn't show up on any scans and it could take up to a year for them to show up and flying with the different airpressure and such could trigger them, if I had any.

I would love to blame this accident for my memory problems as that is way more comforting than to think that what if I could have Alzheimers or something....no I won't even go there. What I do know is that my migraines became much more frequent after the accident than I ever had them before so something happened. One problem I have taken care of and that was my nose that was crooked and half blocked afterwards so now it's all healed and I can breathe better again I have less migraines as I'm sure some of my migraines were in fact sinus pain.

Anyway I won't solve the problem this morning and now I have better get off my bum and get some clothes on, some breakfast in my belly and head off into town so I don't end up late for my appointment.

Lunchhour ponderings

My radio is just playing some vioce clip from Germany and it is kind of distracting with mixed German and Swedish in my ears when I try writing in English.

I had decided I was going to join a couple of my workmates to go listen to the politicians in town but the guy I was waiting for finally came through. He called and told me the lists are on the way so I decided although it's a beautiful sunny day I'm better off doing the workload now so I can get home at a decent hour tonight.

The politicians who are going to be talking I am not going to vote for anyway as I do not like what they have offered in terms of promises so far. We do not solve the problems this country currently has by yet again increasing the taxes and raise the unemployment benefits. What we need is for them to lower the tax pressure on companies so they can afford to hire more staff and that way create more jobs and decrease the number of unemployed people. And lower tax for everyone I believe increases people's ability to keep the commerce going as they can afford to buy things and that too would increase number of jobs available.

Hopefully my father is home tonight as I am going to pay him a visit on my way home. I owe him money and felt today is a good day to pay him back and there is a new bridge they are going to open tonight. Maybe he wants to go to it and we could go together to witness that event.

Why does it take so long for emails to arrive when you're waiting for one? At other times they come very quickly. And still waiting here. Ah well it should be here shortly.

In the meantime I can always look out my windows and dream a bit, while listening to the radio. The radio station I wanted to listen to howeveer is currently not working. The last couple of days of trying to listen to it all I got was buffering. I listen through the computer as the radio I have in this room won't work.

The trees outside my windows here are starting to look green and that is so wonderful to see after the extremely long winter we had. Spring is my favourite time of year. I love seeing flowers come up out of the ground and come into bloom and to see the trees transform from naked to lush green, sometimes in a matter of just days.

I'm hoping this weekend will offer some nice weather so I can sit outside and read, tend to my garden etc. Most of all rest and relax and just enjoy the better weather.

Annoyances at work

Sometimes work can be so frustrating. The times I am referring to are the times when you are waiting for someone else to do their part in order for you to be able to move forward with yours. I am currently in such a situation.

I was supposed to get lists of names this morning to give placements to 'my' kids. I thought that was great but now it's 11:15 am and morning is almost over and so far nothing. I have emailed this person asking for the lists and I have called him on his phone, which he doesn't answer, to ask for them. I guess this means if I don't get them by the end of today, even though I was told yesterday afternoon they were all ready to be sent to me, I will have to go ahead and do placements anyway and if it ends up being wrong there's nothing I can do about it.

People who can't be trusted to do their job is a nuisance. I guess this means I will be able to use my lunch hour to go listen to the politicians when they come to town to talk about what they intend to do if they win the election. Just that the later I get these lists the longer my day here at work will be today.

Only positive I can see right now is that it gave me time to do some blogging but subject so far isn't exactly the best. Maybe I need to close this one and find a better subject.