To take back control

Since I yet again woke up before 4 am and finding myself unable to go back to sleep I decided to figure out why and do something about it rather than just rehashing the same thoughts over and over in my head as I would do if I stayed in bed.

I have come to the conclusion that it is probably stress over my situation. I am not in control of my life and it bothers me so I have to make a conscious effort to try take it back. I need to be in the driver seat and I am going to make changes little by little to get there.

My biggest issue right now is the weather. We have more snow this winter and colder temperatures than I have had to experience since I was a kid I think. It might not be that long but it feels like it anyway. I have started to feel restless because it is hindering me from being as active as I usually am. My bike is stashed away in my shed and even though I see other people defying the snow and riding theirs I have decided it's not worth ending myself in hospital by using it. It is slippery and not very well plowed and my knees can't be completely trusted...and sometimes I feel like these are excuses I'm making up for myself as reasons to be lazy although I know they really aren't. If I was into winter sports, like skiing or something I guess I would not have a problem staying active but I'm not. I guess I have to make an effort to at least go for a walk every day no matter how cold it is. I just hate the fact I can't go into the forest with all the snow. I took a picture of a Saint Bernard yesterday who was out running in the snow and as big as that dog is he almost disappeared completely into the snow sinking all the way down to his stomach.

First thing I decided to take control over was my little space here. I have let people make comments freely but after having that space completely hijacked by one individual who is using that space for his campaigning every few days or so I just had enough and now I have set it to moderated so I decide what gets posted. This doesn't mean I have stopped caring about mother nature and what is happening but this is after all my little corner of myspace and I have the right to fill it with what I want. Huge posts filled with pretty much the same content over and over that takes up huge bandwith due to video content is not suited for such space. I think that is something people can fill their own space with including their blogs.

Next thing to take control over is my future and what is going to happen careerwise. I have been admitted to a course in Bad Gastein in Austria to become a travel guide and current problem is to finance it so I can do this course. My aim for the week is to find a way. Too bad it's still several hours until I can make my way into town and start visiting banks, start centrum etc. I do feel pretty eager to get started right away....no wonder I can't sleep, lol.

Now I have also weeded through what acting/extras jobs are available during the week. I could kick myself that I am missing out on an excellent opportunity for several commercials that they will be filming early March. Casting is today in Stockholm and I guess I could probably make it there in time but that would take time away from my primary goal to try and finance my travel course. I need to learn to prioritise and as much as I love acting I don't really think I have a bright future in that so it'll have to be a hobby on the side...at least until someone prove me otherwise, haha. So far my auditions have lead to nothing so just trying to be realistic here but not giving up either.

Suddenly my head feels a lot less crowded and maybe if I went back to bed now I could try and squeeze in a few more hours of sleep, or since it's 5:20 am I could stay up and start doing what I need to do today. First thing on my agenda is bills. Them I can log in and pay any time of the day/night and since my internet connection seem to be behaving right now the time is as good as any I suppose.